So, my bloggy thingy stopped working for a while. When I finally found the mental space to find the problem, it was not all that difficult, but it may as well have been rocket science on most days.
It’s been a strange year. Single momming. Business. Dating. Boundaries… The best way to describe it (forgive another LOTR quote), is “Like butter scraped over too much bread.” And I also mean to disappear and not come back. In a way.
Today is a significant day for me. A few weeks ago, I impulsively looked at a house and bought it. By myself. I close on it and get the keys today. And thus begins step 1 of my reboot. My mass exodus from life as I know it. Purging my ghosts. In less that a month I will also close on the sale of my business and with any luck, also the home I shared with my ex-husband for 13 years. I’m going for a hard reset and I can’t think of another way to do it than to start from the ground up in as many ways as possible.
My brain fog is so thick that it feels physical on most days. My body hurts. I’m always just barely teetering on tears. But I shove it down and do my thing knowing that I have a short sabbatical ahead that is seriously my chance to get my shit straight. Until then, I’m doing my best to convince the world that I have not completely checked out. Every day I get worse at it. My poker face sucks and I have few fucks less to give at this point.
So, today, up at 5 am and putting on my “go me!” face. I’ve had to dig deep so many times lately to find a modicum of functionality. I’m so damn tired. But I’m so damn ready.
Namaste bitches. Let’s do this.